The Court Chronicles (A Blog Novella) - Chapter 4

Hmm. I wonder if he likes seafood. I would love to split the tuna tartar with him. God, he is totally checking me out right now. Please look at your menu, Garret. You are making me blush. At least I know he is attracted to me. I think he might have been sporting a trouser tent earlier, but that could have been my imagination. He isn’t sixteen anymore, for Christ’s sake. Wait, do guys ever stop getting random erections? Mmm, that is definitely something I’ll google later. I think it is funny how “Google” is now a verb in my vernacular. If I write it, does it still need to be capitalized? Probably not, since I wouldn’t be using it as a proper noun. I’ll google that later, too. Oh my God my mind is wandering. Is this silence awkward now? Oh here comes the waitress.

“Hi, how are we doing tonight? Garrett?”

I look up from my menu. She knows him? Oh man there is some history between these two. Garrett’s brown eyes look like saucers and I think all the color has left his face. He was a golden Eric Estrada brown a minute ago, now he looks Don Johnson orange.

“Uh. Hey, how are you?” Garrett’s voice cracked. Either he is really nervous or he is going through a second puberty. That would explain the boner. “Ma… ma…”

“Marla. Don’t tell me you don’t remember me”

“No. No, or course not. How are you?”

“You already asked me that. Better now, for your information,” Marla says bitingly.

“Oh, good to hear.” Garrett looks at me to gauge how awkward this is. He continues, “Marla, I am sorry. Really I am, but right now isn’t a good time for me to get into this.”

Marla looks at me and rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Let me get you guys a different server. I want to stay professional so I am going walk away. You were always a lousy tipper anyhow.”

Garrett laughs nervously as though her last comment wasn’t a direct jab at his character. He is struggling to find something to say.

I’ll break the silence. “So how do you feel about splitting the tartar?”

“I feel I should explain…”

Oh God is he really going to open this ex-file on the first date?

“Marla and I dated a few years ago in college. She was a rebound. I was never really into her and I totally used her for the company and sex. I was fresh off a 4 year relationship with my high school sweetheart and at the time my heart was crushed.”

Wow. How do I make him stop?

“When I met Marla I was a player and a total puto. She was developing feelings, I wasn’t in the right mind set for a serious relationship and I was a dog to her. I realized I was being an idiot and I just stopped calling Marla without any explanation. I just didn’t know what to tell her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Aside from the attitude you just witnessed, she was a pretty cool chick…”

“Garret?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop explaining please.”

“OK. Sorry.” Garret looks defeated. “This date is over isn’t it?”

“No!”

“Veronica, I think I might have ruined your first impression of me.”

“You’re embarrassed. What if I share something equally mortifying? Then can we move on with our evening?”

“It might help.” He is starting to relax and he just flashed me that cute smile of his. He has dimples. How adorable. I want to lick them. Wow on the first date, Veronica? Get a hold of yourself.

“How versed are you on feminine hygiene products?” I wince.

“I didn’t major in it but I have a basic knowledge.”

“OK.” Take a deep breath. God why am I going to tell him this story? “I am not sure if Jay told you but I am from Arizona. In Tempe there is a lake and every year they have an event called the River Rally. People make boats out of cardboard and they race them across the lake. Cardboard is a very unpredictable floating material so you can imagine the hilarity that ensues. It is tons of fun. Well, my best friend Karina got a team together in her office, and one of her co-workers had to drop out last minute. She knew I had a crush on this guy in her suite named Mike, so she asked me to fill in. I agreed but that morning I found out that Aunt Flo was in town. God, this is gross isn’t it? Why am I talking about this?”

“No, go on,” Garrett assures me. “I mean it isn’t my favorite topic before dinner, but I owe you since you were so accepting. Besides you can’t stop now. What’s that all about? You a quitter?”

“Smack talking, huh? Alright, I’ll keep going.” I take a sip of water before I continue, “Well not easily swayed from my goal of flirting with Mike, I decide to just use the appropriate feminine product and cease the day.”

“A tampon right?” interrupts Garrett as the waiter walks up.

“Uh.” He chuckles. “Hi folks. What can I get you guys to drink?”

“Are you ok with red wine, Veronica?”

“Sure.”

“We’ll have a bottle of the house merlot, please.”

“You got it. Right away.”

“Man, talk about coming into the conversation at the wrong time,” laughs Garrett.

“Sorry about that.”

“Why are you sorry? I can talk about TAMPONS!” exclaims Garrett as he looks around the room. “I am secure in my manhood.” Patrons look over at us in mild disgust. “Continue with your story, please.”

“OK but lower your voice. Geez. Where was I? Oh right, I knew I was going to need reinforcements so I brought an extra tampon in my purse. When I got there I realized I would not be able to have my purse with me all day so I grabbed one of the tampons, took it out of the applicator, and stored it in my sports bra. I rushed over to my team and off we went; out onto the water in our cardboard boat. Almost instantly we are capsized by one of our competitors and we find ourselves in the water. We get out on the shore giggling and Mike and I lock eyes, laughing about how we failed. He looks down at my chest and says, ‘Oh you got a piece of lake trash on you.’ Before I could look down, he grabs what is the string to my tampon and pulls it out of my bra. There he is, horrified, looking at my water saturated tampon dangling in his hand!”

“What did he do?”

“He freaks out and throws it back at me like menstruating is contagious. It hits me in the face. He apologizes, sort of, and walks away briskly in the other direction.”

“Ha ha ha. It hit you in the face? What did you do?”

“Picked it up. Threw it away and flirted with another cutie. A dude that can’t handle a tampon probably can’t handle much at all. I cut my losses and figured it was best that I found out what type of person he was early on. Would I have wished to have learned it in a less embarrassing manner? Of course, but life is funny that way.”

“It sure is. Hey, I know we ordered a bottle but what do you say we go somewhere else? I am seriously scared that Marla is going to spit in our food.”

“You have a very good point. She has been shooting daggers at us from the moment I started my tampon tale. If looks could kill. Let’s get out of here. What did you have in mind?”