Friday, March 27, 2009
The Court Chronicles (A Blog Novella) - Chapter 3
Chapter 3 is now available for your pleasure here. Enjoy.
Monday, March 23, 2009
How to be Friends with an Ex: Really, You Can Move On.
It happened. The statistically inevitable break-up has occurred, and you find yourself single again. You tell each other that you’ll remain friends, but you question the likelihood of a true camaraderie flourishing from this train wreck. As a person that is friends with three people she dated, I am telling you that it is possible. Follow these simple rules and you’ll find the transition much easier than you imagine it’d be. It should be noted that the following only really applies if the break up was mutual or if you got dumped. Being the dumper gives you too much power and the decision to remain friends should depend on the dumpee.
Phase One: Stay Broken Up
The toughest part of a break up is the devastating loneliness that follows. Your first urge maybe to call your ex to hang out. You aren’t talking date here-- nothing romantic just coffee. You did agree to remain friends, right? Wrong! Do NOT call your ex. Do not text, email, facebook, or send smoke signals to her/him. Don’t answer said forms of communication from them either.
If you were dumped, they might extend what I like to call the “selfish shit” email or text. We all have either sent or received one of these bad boys. They all read different but they all say something to the effect of, “I am sorry it didn’t work out. You are an awesome person. If I wasn’t so messed up right now; we’d be great together.” Etc, etc, etc. Beware of this email. Do not feed into this ridiculousness. . I call it “selfish shit” because they are sending this out only to make themselves feel better and none of it is really true—it is all bullshit. I will say that you should, however, send them an email or text back saying that you no longer wish to hear from them at this time. That’s it.
But if you don’t receive this email, the best thing to do after a break up is absolutely nothing. Not a God damned thing. Resolve that you will not communicate with her/him for at least three months. The two determining factors you should consider when deciding how long you should wait are; how long the relationship was, and how the break up went. The longer the relationship the longer you should wait. For example, if the break up was mutual the wait period will be shorter then if you were dumped. When in doubt, gauge it by your grieving period. For every day you stayed absolutely inconsolably depressed, add one month.
Phase Two: Do Your Thing
During that waiting period revive your spirit by focusing on the things that matter the most to you. You now have more time to hang with friends, pick up forgotten hobbies, create new passions, and maybe even date.
Rediscovering how awesome you are and meeting new people will boost your self confidence and you won’t be sitting around wondering what the other person is doing.
Phase Three: Re-evaluate Your Relationship
Look at and critically evaluate the relationship you had with your ex. Did they treat you with a fair amount of respect through out the time you two were together? If they weren’t a good girlfriend/boyfriend, chances are they might not be good at being friends either.
Also, see if the person has friends of the opposite sex. If she/he can maintain platonic relationships with the opposite sex then they’ll be more receptive to a friendship with no hanky-panky.
Phase Four: Are You Ready for First Contact?
Before you move forward and contact your ex to “catch up” assess your situation. Ask yourself these three questions:
-If your ex made sexual advances, would you reciprocate?
-Would you date your ex again?
-Do you feel like you’ll never find anyone like her/him?
-Would you be devastated if they were dating someone else?
Be honest with yourself. If you answered yes to any of these questions, do yourself a favor and wait even longer. You can not be holding a torch for them if you want to start a genuine friendship. You should actually feel disgusted at the thought of the two of you dating, again. Not the hurl-your-lunch disgusted, just the that-would-make-me-uncomfortable type of disgusted.
Phase Five: The Friendship
Once you have reached this phase the rest is easy. As long as you don’t get jealous and recognize that there are no longer any romantic feelings, you should be golden.
What you expect from a friend is very different then what you would expect from a significant other. Make sure to not blur those lines as you gain new ground as friends. She/he is not going to be jumping through hoops to satisfy you like they did before. Do not be disappoointed if they don’t make themselves available to you whenever you want. Since the dynamic of the relationship is going to change then the person might too.
In the end, you might develop a stronger friendship then you did when you dated, or you might hardly speak to them at all. But remember to always maintain your integrety. They are not responsible for your happiness.
Phase One: Stay Broken Up
The toughest part of a break up is the devastating loneliness that follows. Your first urge maybe to call your ex to hang out. You aren’t talking date here-- nothing romantic just coffee. You did agree to remain friends, right? Wrong! Do NOT call your ex. Do not text, email, facebook, or send smoke signals to her/him. Don’t answer said forms of communication from them either.
If you were dumped, they might extend what I like to call the “selfish shit” email or text. We all have either sent or received one of these bad boys. They all read different but they all say something to the effect of, “I am sorry it didn’t work out. You are an awesome person. If I wasn’t so messed up right now; we’d be great together.” Etc, etc, etc. Beware of this email. Do not feed into this ridiculousness. . I call it “selfish shit” because they are sending this out only to make themselves feel better and none of it is really true—it is all bullshit. I will say that you should, however, send them an email or text back saying that you no longer wish to hear from them at this time. That’s it.
But if you don’t receive this email, the best thing to do after a break up is absolutely nothing. Not a God damned thing. Resolve that you will not communicate with her/him for at least three months. The two determining factors you should consider when deciding how long you should wait are; how long the relationship was, and how the break up went. The longer the relationship the longer you should wait. For example, if the break up was mutual the wait period will be shorter then if you were dumped. When in doubt, gauge it by your grieving period. For every day you stayed absolutely inconsolably depressed, add one month.
Phase Two: Do Your Thing
During that waiting period revive your spirit by focusing on the things that matter the most to you. You now have more time to hang with friends, pick up forgotten hobbies, create new passions, and maybe even date.
Rediscovering how awesome you are and meeting new people will boost your self confidence and you won’t be sitting around wondering what the other person is doing.
Phase Three: Re-evaluate Your Relationship
Look at and critically evaluate the relationship you had with your ex. Did they treat you with a fair amount of respect through out the time you two were together? If they weren’t a good girlfriend/boyfriend, chances are they might not be good at being friends either.
Also, see if the person has friends of the opposite sex. If she/he can maintain platonic relationships with the opposite sex then they’ll be more receptive to a friendship with no hanky-panky.
Phase Four: Are You Ready for First Contact?
Before you move forward and contact your ex to “catch up” assess your situation. Ask yourself these three questions:
-If your ex made sexual advances, would you reciprocate?
-Would you date your ex again?
-Do you feel like you’ll never find anyone like her/him?
-Would you be devastated if they were dating someone else?
Be honest with yourself. If you answered yes to any of these questions, do yourself a favor and wait even longer. You can not be holding a torch for them if you want to start a genuine friendship. You should actually feel disgusted at the thought of the two of you dating, again. Not the hurl-your-lunch disgusted, just the that-would-make-me-uncomfortable type of disgusted.
Phase Five: The Friendship
Once you have reached this phase the rest is easy. As long as you don’t get jealous and recognize that there are no longer any romantic feelings, you should be golden.
What you expect from a friend is very different then what you would expect from a significant other. Make sure to not blur those lines as you gain new ground as friends. She/he is not going to be jumping through hoops to satisfy you like they did before. Do not be disappoointed if they don’t make themselves available to you whenever you want. Since the dynamic of the relationship is going to change then the person might too.
In the end, you might develop a stronger friendship then you did when you dated, or you might hardly speak to them at all. But remember to always maintain your integrety. They are not responsible for your happiness.
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Court Chronicles (A Blog Novella)- Chapter Two
Last week Ike wrote and posted chapter one of our blog novella The Court Chronicles. The following is chapter two. To read his chapter first click here. Comments are always welcomed.
Of course I get his voice mail, “Jay, you unreliable motherfucker! I think I am lost. Oh shit, I almost hit that homeless man…sorry! OK, I am on the corner of… wait, I see LaCienega. I know where I am now. Geez, I am a wreck, sorry I didn’t mean to blow up. You might be a little freaked out that I am so emotionally unstable moments before I am suppose to meet your bestie. You’re a great friend, and you don’t deserve my verbal abuse. I’ll call you later to give you the total recap. Sorry for this long rambling message. Bye.”
Wow. Who was that demon that just possessed me and made me call Jay a motherfucker? I get easily frazzled when I am running late. I hate being late. Worse, I hate being lost, and since moving to this town, both have been the persistent theme of my everyday life. Phoenix is flat and rests on a predictable grid system. LA, on the other hand, is a labyrinth of roads and freeways. I don’t think I’ll ever get use to this. –Sigh- I need to stay positive. If you go into this date with this Debbie-Downer attitude he’ll run for the hills.
I definitely want to make a good impression. This guy seemed nice. Jay is the first genuine person I met since moving here, so when he suggested a friend I might be interested in I didn’t hesitate to accept a date. I am confident that Jay would only surround himself with good people but I can’t help but be nervous. I need to relax. My hands are crazy sweaty. Let me turn up the AC and rest my hands on the vents. So now I’ll have an icicle to offer when I shake his hand? Bad idea. Oh I know! I’ll put tissues in the pockets of my coat and I’ll dry my hands in my pockets before I shake his hand. Genius. What if he goes for a hug? Then I might get my hands stuck in my coat, which will create an awkward hug with my hands down and his arms around my shoulders. Am I over analyzing right now? Yes you are Veronica—admitting it is the first step to recovery you fucking loon.
There is the restaurant, and one more parking spot in the front. Bu-ya! It is the small victories that make life worth living.
Let me check my face before I head in. My hair looks good. I hope he likes brunettes. I refuse to bleach my hair and become another blond in LA. My eye make up is on point. My long lashes have always been the envy of others. I might want to put on some more lip gloss. I have been biting my lip out of nervousness and most of the first coat rubbed off… and is on my teeth! Gross. Let me rub that off while I step out of the car.
Let me see, what do I know about this guy?--oops I forgot to lock my car door. OK, one, he is Jay’s best friend. They’ve know each other since elementary school, which is very endearing. Second, he has a very friendly and casual disposition on the phone. Finally, his name is Garret. Cute name. Veronica and Garret? Garret and Veronica? Does it flow together? Jesus, you want to subscribe to bridal magazines later today too? Relax. It is just a casual date. Open the door. Deep breath.
Oh this guy on his phone is cute …
Of course I get his voice mail, “Jay, you unreliable motherfucker! I think I am lost. Oh shit, I almost hit that homeless man…sorry! OK, I am on the corner of… wait, I see LaCienega. I know where I am now. Geez, I am a wreck, sorry I didn’t mean to blow up. You might be a little freaked out that I am so emotionally unstable moments before I am suppose to meet your bestie. You’re a great friend, and you don’t deserve my verbal abuse. I’ll call you later to give you the total recap. Sorry for this long rambling message. Bye.”
Wow. Who was that demon that just possessed me and made me call Jay a motherfucker? I get easily frazzled when I am running late. I hate being late. Worse, I hate being lost, and since moving to this town, both have been the persistent theme of my everyday life. Phoenix is flat and rests on a predictable grid system. LA, on the other hand, is a labyrinth of roads and freeways. I don’t think I’ll ever get use to this. –Sigh- I need to stay positive. If you go into this date with this Debbie-Downer attitude he’ll run for the hills.
I definitely want to make a good impression. This guy seemed nice. Jay is the first genuine person I met since moving here, so when he suggested a friend I might be interested in I didn’t hesitate to accept a date. I am confident that Jay would only surround himself with good people but I can’t help but be nervous. I need to relax. My hands are crazy sweaty. Let me turn up the AC and rest my hands on the vents. So now I’ll have an icicle to offer when I shake his hand? Bad idea. Oh I know! I’ll put tissues in the pockets of my coat and I’ll dry my hands in my pockets before I shake his hand. Genius. What if he goes for a hug? Then I might get my hands stuck in my coat, which will create an awkward hug with my hands down and his arms around my shoulders. Am I over analyzing right now? Yes you are Veronica—admitting it is the first step to recovery you fucking loon.
There is the restaurant, and one more parking spot in the front. Bu-ya! It is the small victories that make life worth living.
Let me check my face before I head in. My hair looks good. I hope he likes brunettes. I refuse to bleach my hair and become another blond in LA. My eye make up is on point. My long lashes have always been the envy of others. I might want to put on some more lip gloss. I have been biting my lip out of nervousness and most of the first coat rubbed off… and is on my teeth! Gross. Let me rub that off while I step out of the car.
Let me see, what do I know about this guy?--oops I forgot to lock my car door. OK, one, he is Jay’s best friend. They’ve know each other since elementary school, which is very endearing. Second, he has a very friendly and casual disposition on the phone. Finally, his name is Garret. Cute name. Veronica and Garret? Garret and Veronica? Does it flow together? Jesus, you want to subscribe to bridal magazines later today too? Relax. It is just a casual date. Open the door. Deep breath.
Oh this guy on his phone is cute …
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Risky Blogging and My Computer Nerd Fetish.
I am living life on the edge. Throwing caution to the wind and laughing in the face of common sense... I am writing a blog entry directly online. Yes, Ike said I should write it on word and copy/paste it in since my deleted-blog mishap, but I am EXTREME like that-- Bwa ha ha ha ha! Well there is that, and the fact that this entry is just a little blurp to let all my followers know that I am still in businez and that this minor technical difficulty is not going to hold me back from expressing myself like the true diva I am. Because I am smart enough, fun enough, FWINE enough, and gosh darn it people like to laugh at me.
Not much to report on as of now... Pool Cue has not called. -Gasp- shocker right? The date was fun but I am not torn up about it. I have some other things in the works that I am so excited about, I can't be bothered with boys.
I went hiking in Laguna Beach this weekend with two of my straights (straights= guy friends that are staright, for those of you that don't know, I am a total Fag Hag). What transpired from my outting was an agreed collaboration between Tom and I to start writing a script. We are a few pages into that already. Plus, I have been making minor and small moves towards my website so that I can delete that by accident as well. ha ha ha.
So I am staying busy and trying to makes moves towards my passion. I know this entry is not the drama filled entry it usually is but...oh what the heck here is something I can share about my devastating love life:
As I was hiking with the boys, the topic of mountain biking came up. Climbing up a steep hill I explain to them, "I am not a huge fan of biking. I am super uncoordinated and I fell off a ten-speed on a date once..."
"Oh here we go. Another failed date story. What a shocker! Let me guess. That was the one and only date this guy got." said Ike out of breath but full of energy to throw me under the bus.
"Um yeah. But the reason I didn't give this guy a second date wasn't that I fell off a bike. That was my own dumb fault. I had another reason."
"Oh I can't wait to hear this one," chimed in Tom.
"Besides his cellphone, the man didn't have one digital device in his house. No computer, no cable box, no CD player, not even a digital clock. I thought that was weird."
The guys irrupt into laughter and I get bombarded with "That's why?", "I bet he was a nice guy too", "Women." etc, etc, etc. Am I the only one that is weirded out that, in this day in age, the man didn't own anything digital?
I couldn't help but be turned off. I am sorry. I just felt like this guy was trying too hard to go against the grain and be the hipster that is untouched by technology. Why would you shun technology? I just don't understand. Now I am not a super computer genius -ahem- deleted blog be exhibit one, but I am super turn on by men that know their way around a mother board. If they know Linux and are able to run a full diagnostic on my computer, they don't even have to buy me dinner...panties are off!
Why do you think I decided to work at Qualcomm? There are no accidents in life.
Not much to report on as of now... Pool Cue has not called. -Gasp- shocker right? The date was fun but I am not torn up about it. I have some other things in the works that I am so excited about, I can't be bothered with boys.
I went hiking in Laguna Beach this weekend with two of my straights (straights= guy friends that are staright, for those of you that don't know, I am a total Fag Hag). What transpired from my outting was an agreed collaboration between Tom and I to start writing a script. We are a few pages into that already. Plus, I have been making minor and small moves towards my website so that I can delete that by accident as well. ha ha ha.
So I am staying busy and trying to makes moves towards my passion. I know this entry is not the drama filled entry it usually is but...oh what the heck here is something I can share about my devastating love life:
As I was hiking with the boys, the topic of mountain biking came up. Climbing up a steep hill I explain to them, "I am not a huge fan of biking. I am super uncoordinated and I fell off a ten-speed on a date once..."
"Oh here we go. Another failed date story. What a shocker! Let me guess. That was the one and only date this guy got." said Ike out of breath but full of energy to throw me under the bus.
"Um yeah. But the reason I didn't give this guy a second date wasn't that I fell off a bike. That was my own dumb fault. I had another reason."
"Oh I can't wait to hear this one," chimed in Tom.
"Besides his cellphone, the man didn't have one digital device in his house. No computer, no cable box, no CD player, not even a digital clock. I thought that was weird."
The guys irrupt into laughter and I get bombarded with "That's why?", "I bet he was a nice guy too", "Women." etc, etc, etc. Am I the only one that is weirded out that, in this day in age, the man didn't own anything digital?
I couldn't help but be turned off. I am sorry. I just felt like this guy was trying too hard to go against the grain and be the hipster that is untouched by technology. Why would you shun technology? I just don't understand. Now I am not a super computer genius -ahem- deleted blog be exhibit one, but I am super turn on by men that know their way around a mother board. If they know Linux and are able to run a full diagnostic on my computer, they don't even have to buy me dinner...panties are off!
Why do you think I decided to work at Qualcomm? There are no accidents in life.
Friday, March 13, 2009
I am the biggest Idiot
Oh geez I just delete my blog on accident. I meant to delete an entry and I delete the entire thing! Please register again as a follower if you already had.
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